We turned up in Cardiff at about 2.00 on the Friday afternoon and pretty soon the whole stag party had assembled, we checked in to the rooms and arranged to get into character and were to reveal the weekends theme in the bar a few minutes later. It has to be said that some of the costumes were easier than others. Big Eddie had to get himself into a Wookie costume which was a nightmare as it was red hot and had no pockets.
We assembled in the bar in our costumes and called Danny and he came down to see a full stag party in Star Wars outfits and he loved it. He was giggling like a big kid and even took the news that he was to be playing the part of Princess Leia in good fun, in fact, he couldn't wait to get into his outfit for a photo session before we all had to get changed for our first night out, we were going to the comedy club and ironically they do not allow fancy dress. Apparently they take their comedy too seriously to allow anyone to have too much fun.
The comedy club itself was good fun in the end, Daavvo had been to a comedy club a few nights before and had been telling us about “Mick Ferry” who he had seen and really enjoyed so we knew we were in for a treat when they announced that he was also playing tonight. As ever with one of these shows the compare was the main attraction. They have more time to build up their act and find out who they are dealing with.
Once we had been thrown out of the Comedy Club (At closing time, not for misbehaving) we found a bar and decided to stay there until it was time to go back to the hotel, I got to see James in action as the master of the dance floor. He is a legend. Jay Kay has got nothing on him.
The activity for this weekend was Gorge Walking, Craig had arranged it all and we’d all had advanced notice of what to bring with us, decent footwear, change of shoes and socks and a towel but none of us actually knew the full extent of what we were doing. I for one pictured a nice walk through a gorge, nice surroundings and a bit of mud but nothing too taxing; after all we had all been out drinking beer until the early hours the night before.
James had taken the “Decent Footwear” idea to the next level. We all had old trainers on which would get ruined with all the mud we were expecting; James was looking all smug in his wellies.
It turns out that Gorge walking isn't what we thought. As we turned up to the site there was a group of people receiving a briefing, they were all kitted out in wet suits with life preservers and hard hats, I was glad we weren't doing what they were doing as it looked serious. Next thing I knew we were handed wet suits, life jackets and hard hats and shown the way to the changing rooms.
The safety briefing told us what we were doing, not walking around a gorge but walking through a gorge, most of the time waist deep in cold water.
We were guided to the river bed and told that the first thing we had to do was a shallow jump into the fast flowing water, when we surfaced we should lift our feet up and allow the water to carry us down stream. I will tell you something, I am glad I wasn't wearing wellies…
As is tradition, the stag was the first one in the water, closely followed by his best man.
We were totally submerged for a few seconds and it took your breath away. After that we made our way down the river and started to climb through the gorge. We soon forgot about how cold it was because every part of our body was numb, that and the fact that we were having an amazing time. We climbed waterfall after waterfall and walked against the flow of the water, climbed over ledges and even had a Welsh christening. This meant kneeling down in the water while the guide pushed you face first into a crevice and allowed the water to fall over you.
It turns out that we were actually making pretty good time so the guide told us all to take off our life jackets as we were catching up to the previous group so we had time to go underground. As I had struggled a little earlier on the guide told me I was going first and led me to a small opening in the rock, I crouched down and started to crawl in and I was told to follow the other guides voice, inside it was pitch black and I came to a dead end then I looked up and could see the other guide about 10 feet above me so started to climb, it was a tight squeeze but started moving only to feel something touch my feet. It was only Dave, he had followed me in and also become instantly blinded. Eventually I made it to the top and was told to sit, turn and lie on my belly. I had no idea what was happening next. It was time to leave, there was another opening, this one was taking us out of the cave. I put my arms in front of me and started to clamber and slide out and was greeted by the guide who helped me out. It was brilliant.
From here we went up another waterfall, this was a pretty big one. After we had all got to the top I looked back and was amazed at how far we had actually climbed. I was actually stunned that we had been down at the bottom of this waterfall just a few minutes before. So far everyone was having an amazing day and didn't want it to end but we were getting tired.
From here we were lead down a bank and to a pool with a waterfall, the guide started to climb up onto a ledge and behind the waterfall, I followed. There are 2 things I didn't expect, firstly the sheer volume of water that was coming down, I felt like I was being beaten by a thousand baseball bats all over my body. The second thing was how cold it was. I had been cold for hours but somehow this waterfall made me colder. I emerged from the other side with Brain freeze and was told to jump into the water in front of the fall. I needed a minute so Josh kindly took my place. One I had recovered off I went, well, after a false start or 2.
We all had a go at this one. I could tell that Danny was having the time of his life. He is a very happy chappy most of the time but I have never seen his smile quite so big.
The final event was a larger jump. Again, stag went first but I decided that that this was too much for me. I decided this after witnessing how much time there was between seeing Danny jump off the ledge and hearing him hit the water.
At the end of the gorge walking experience we were all buzzing and I for one would do this again. Craig had added a final perfect touch to the day by hiring a professional photographer to take pictures of the whole event.
After we had dried off it was time for some lunch.
After a morning of jumping into cold water and some intense walking we were ready for a beer and Craig had the kitty and headed to the bar. We all raised our glasses to our parched lips and took a swig of the amber nectar and took a lovely refreshing swig of ….Shandy.
After a morning of jumping into cold water and some intense walking we were ready for a beer and Craig had the kitty and headed to the bar. We all raised our glasses to our parched lips and took a swig of the amber nectar and took a lovely refreshing swig of ….Shandy.
Shandy? Who drinks Shandy on a stag do? We all vowed that Craig would never hear the last of this and this serious oversight was recorded by the stag court.
Stag Court was a theme that ran all of the way through the weekend. Fines are incurred for any behavior that the judge sees as unbecoming, the fines are added to the kitty for the weekends drinking. I thought this was a brilliant idea as is makes adding to the kitty more entertaining than just putting money into the pot.
After a pub lunch and a loaded star wars quiz ( 3 questions each on Star Wars, 1 pint penalty for a wrong answer and everyone had seen the answers apart from Danny) it was time to head back into Cardiff for a few more drinks. Craig decided that he hadn't learned his lesson from the Shandy incident and ordered 2 bottles of Rose wine for the thirsty stags. At least this meant that the kitty was being boosted.
After a few more glasses of Vino Danny decided that he wanted to wear a little make up for the evening as there were a couple of ladies doing face painting so we all went back to our rooms and left him to it while we got ready for the next session.
A few hours later there was a knock on my hotel room door, I opened it to find Danny dressed in the original stag theme costume, before it was agreed that Star Wars was the theme we had discussed Little Britain. Tonight Danny was to be the only gay in the village.
The evenings entertainment started in the room next door, this had been nicknamed the Chill out room. We all piled in and were offered a choice of drinks. Well, we had to choose Rum or Whisky. Big Eddie and Craig told us tales of their rugby days which will not be repeated here or anywhere else but they were hilarious.
From here we went to a place called “The Live Lounge”. It is rare to find a live music venue in the city centre nowadays but after tonight I have no idea why. The place was buzzing and everyone loved the band. Danny requested “Carry on My Wayward son” and the band knew it and launched into it. I cannot remember all of the songs they played but they were doing all of the rock classics and everyone was singing along.
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| Danny's Karting outfit, The Stig's Gay cousin. |
The night ended in the traditional way, how better to end a night out than with a Curry. Craig used his charm and knocked on the door of a restaurant that had already closed and managed to get them to open the doors and cook a meal for 6 hungry lads.
Sunday was my last day on the stag tour so I headed home after the Go Karting and missed the Pub Golf and Chinese Buffet but I don’t think my body would have stood another day of celebration.
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