Stag Do's part 1- Monkey Business.

2012 was a big year for weddings; we went to 4 in total including our own.

Where there is a wedding then there has to be a Stag, normally it is just an excuse for everyone to go out and get wasted, I am not really a fan of these and much prefer the activity weekend so at least you feel like something has been accomplished.  I only managed to make it to 2 of the stag do’s this year.  My wife’s brother had his stag do on the same weekend as Danny and I had been looking forward to this for quite a while so I had to decline the invitation to go off road in a 4 wheel drive vehicle in the Lake district.

My Stag do was the one that kicked the season off as this was in September, it had been arranged for the week before the wedding as Ian would be over from Australia for the wedding and if we had the stag weekend any earlier he would miss it.

To be honest I would have been happy to forego the whole event and not have a stag do but my best man was not going to let me get away with it and kept on asking me what I wanted to do.  The only thing I could think of was Go Ape.  I had done this before in the West Midlands and had a great time so decided that this was the way forward but in a different venue.  It was eventually decided that we’d go to the Lake District and would find a camp site to make things more affordable.  To be honest I had left this decision a little too late to start telling people that they had to find huge deposits for hotels or to set up a direct debit to pay gradually.  Plus, I thought having us all in one place would make a good party atmosphere.

One of the things I was looking forward to the most was having Ian and Kev there, the three of us had not been in the same room since they saw me off at Brisbane Airport in 1994.

I picked Ian up on my way home from work on the Thursday night and Kev came to my house and collected us both, we were staying at my cousins house on the Thursday night, Mark was really looking forward to the weekend and was relishing his best man duties on both the Stag do and the wedding.  Tonight was really just a relaxing night, a few beers and chance for some of the old travel stories to come out.  Mark and Ian knew each other already as Mark had been backpacking in Australia some years before and I had put them in touch.  I was in no doubt that they would become friends, Mark is very friendly and easy to talk to and Ian is a really easy going and down to earth guy.

Friday was the real start of the weekend; we went up to the Lake District in the smallest convoy ever as there were only 2 vehicles.
  I was in Marks car and Ian was with Kev in his camper van, everyone else was to join us later.

We had a bit of a tour around the Lake District before settling down into the camp site.  The site itself was quite basic and we decided that it would be better for everyone else if we mad our camp at the very top of the site, we were slightly escalated and right by the corner so we had 2 walls to shelter us.  The location was idyllic.  On the other side of the rear wall was a field and just the other side of that was a huge lake with footpaths by the side.

Mark has got a decent sized tent that a few people could fit into, it would have been even better if he’d have been able to remember how it went together but between the 3 of us we figured it out…..We just followed Ian’s instructions in the end and there we were. Just in time for it to start raining

Next to arrive was Danny, his tent was up in a matter of minutes as he is a seasoned professional when it comes to camping.  As the numbers were shaping up and we were, after all, on a stag party it seemed almost rude to not have a beer.  Mark has also bought a boot full of fire wood with him so this was set to work as well.

Danny and the Funnel

Dave was next to arrive but by then we had been reveling for a couple of hours and had started drinking from the Funnel that Kev had, It was a literally a funnel with a piece of pipe on the bottom and a tap.  The idea was to fill the funnel and put the end in your mouth, the tap is opened and the contents should then, in theory, flow down your throat.  I could not get the hang of this as I have never been able to just open my throat and was trying to take gulps. Dave was greeted by Mark with “Hello Dave, Nice to meet you.  Here have a funnel” and in all fairness to him he took it off him and drank the lot.

The last car arrived at about 9.00, this was the one that had the 3 future brothers in law.

That evening I attempted 3 funnels and the second one was the most successful but this was the one that contained Pear Cider.  As soon as it hit my stomach I could sense trouble as it just sat there gurgling away.  The results can only be described as Projectile.  It was a scene from “The Exorcist” but without the spinning head.

Things go a little hazy around here but there were other drinking games and this time the spirits has come out.

Next thing I remember was waking up and not knowing where I was but eventually working out that I was in a tent, fully clothed, without shoes and needing a wee.  All I had to do was get to the door, undo the zip and put my shoes on but it turns out I still needed help, luckily everyone was still up and the tent door was opened for me by James.

I am glad that I passed out early and stopped drinking as the next day I didn’t feel too ill, there were a few poorly heads around the camp site but we all mucked in and got breakfast started.  We actually looked like proper campers as we had the stoves going, Chairs and tables set up and a little production line for the food.

Go Ape wasn’t booked until 1.00 so we had the morning to explore the surroundings. Kev went out on the lake with his Kayak and Mark has spent most of the morning trying to inflate the dingy he had bought with him.  We tried it out but its maiden voyage went about as well as the titanic except we were able to rescue it before it became completely submerged.

Go Ape was totally brilliant.  Being the Stag I had the honour of doing everything first.  Danny was right behind me most of the time followed by Kev, Dave and the Brothers.  Mark and Ian stood at the bottom and watched. There were a few parts to this course that were not on the Cannock course. Most of the time it is really easy to see what you have to do, there will be a wire and another line that you hold on to or it will be a variation on a bridge formation but on a few occasions we just came across a wire between the trees. All you did with this was fix your line to the wire and gravity takes you along or you just pull yourself across while hanging from the cable, it is a bit of an adrenaline rush but by far the highlight of the experience was the long zip line.  We had heard this on the way in to the park and stood and watched people go over our heads on the wires but nothing really prepares you for the moment that you actually stand on the platform and look at how far you are about to travel. When you are getting ready to go you can only just see the people who have just got to the end of the wire. On this line you have to go over main 2 roads before you reach the field, the end of the line is half way through the field.  From start to finish the trip takes about 30 seconds but it is 30 seconds of pure fun.

Saturday night was the night out. By then Marks brother, Jeremy, had joined us.  As is tradition I was not allowed to choose my own clothes and everyone had bought something for me to wear around the town on Saturday evening.

I was actually quite impressed by the efforts that had been made, Mark had bought a little black dress, they had a pair of tights, a bikini top, some lovely red shoes and a curly wig. They then decided that I should have a little make up to complete the look.  This included bright red nail varnish.  The night out was pretty good, everyone knew we were on a stag do and nobody was in any doubt on who the stag was.  You do get quite a bit of attention when you are dressed up so this really added to the evening.

The following day we were all ready for home, 2 nights sleeping in a tent in the pouring rain isn’t idea and I don’t think anyone was disappointed at the idea of a comfortable bed and a hot shower.  I did feel a bit odd calling into a shop on the way home in my normal clothes but still wearing bright red nail varnish.